The Case For Silence

Silence in relationships holds deeper truths than words. Discover how embracing silence can strengthen bonds and reveal powerful human connection.

I love Simon and Garfunkel’s “Sounds of Silence”.

They had a wonderful chemistry that lent itself to simple, yet sweet and powerful melodies and more complex and soothing, well melded harmonies. And fewer songs embodied that chemistry quite like “Sounds of Silence” did.

The lyrics are even more powerful than the much subtler music. My musician brain says it’s deliberate: the music had to be simple enough to leave room for all that weight in the lyrics, but complex enough to bear up under said weight without falling flat.

And I agree with the lyrics. I’m opinionated and outspoken enough for this to be self evident, too.

Silence has been weaponised by humanity since forever. It’s been used to cover everything from uncomfortable truths to unconscionable travesties. And, in the silence, people have perished; lives have been broken; futures have been inexorably altered.

Silence is the tool of the oppressor. We see it everywhere, from families and religious communities with exploitative abusers, to whole countries and systems with repressive governments and institutions.

And in such spaces, eschewing silence is not just helpful, but it’s NECESSARY. Holy, even.

On the other hand, many religions have understood very well, the holy utility of silence as well. Monasteries and convents, congregations and new age traditions have age old rituals centred around silence for the purpose of prayer, meditation, and reflection.

The spiritual benefits of healthy silence are evident in improved character, self regulation, and insights and inventions that have contributed significantly to human development and collective wellbeing.

Not much is said or shared, though, about the social utility of silence. Articles and books abound on how to communicate and connect with others, using words for maximum impact. Public speaking is a whole profit making industry, with famous celebrity thought leaders to boot.

Who is teaching us how to use silence healthily in relationships?

Who is (ironically, yes) speaking about how to communicate and connect with silence instead of feeling the need to fill in the quiet spaces between smaller conversations within longer conversations?

Not nearly enough people, is my answer.

Silence is just as powerful and important as words for building and maintaining relationship bonds. Because silence is often as truthful as words can be. More truthful, even, sometimes.

And because silence holds bigger, deeper truths, it can be a near magical gift between friends, acquaintances, and families. Because when silence is allowed to push past the discomfort and awkwardness of our lack of familiarity with it, we push past the surface of the lies we’ve learned to build societies with: meaningless platitudes and false promises that we’ve come to rely too heavily upon.

When we learn how to live comfortably with silence socially, we can avoid saying foolish things like “Be strong” to hurting or grieving people who have every right to be tired of being or trying to be strong when they should be held and supported.

We can let silence fall into the spaces in our conversations in ways that say, “You don’t have to do or say anything but be here. Because your presence is enough. It’s enough because YOU are enough.” And we can offer that assurance of being enough to others because we have learnt to affirm that we, too, are enough.

In the silence, the truth of our existence being enough is expressed. We can simply BE. And it’s enough because it is the truth. Truth is, and that will always be enough.